


End of life

by Daydreamer21



Category: Chalet School - Elinor M. Brent-Dyer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-19
Packaged: 2018-10-07 23:19:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10372074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daydreamer21/pseuds/Daydreamer21





	

She sat silently by the bedside, holding tightly to the hand in the bed. Her eyes darted restlessly around the room, a room she was completely familiar with and yet a room that still felt strange. She noted the pattern on the wallpaper, her eyes tracing the outline of each of the four different flowers on the paper as they did each time she sat here. Her eyes continued their journey around the room seeing the single bed with its padded sides, the chair she was sitting in, the sling for the hoist hanging on the hook by the door, the wheelchair tucked neatly by the wardrobe and the scattering of photographs on the wall opposite the bed meant to make the occupant feel more at home. She wondered if they ever had or if it was already too late by the time they had come to this room. 

This room, that had been part of their lives for more than 5 years, still did not feel like home and she blinked back tears, resenting the fact that they had ended up here. She gave herself a mental shake and instead focussed on the steady breathing coming from the bed, occasionally broken by the persistent chesty cough that had recently developed. So this is what ‘End of life’ looked like she thought, watching the sleeping form in the bed curled up, skin and bone supported by pillows to prevent pressure sores and provide comfort. She had known this stage would come, it was a progressive illness and she was intelligent enough to do her research, however she still didn’t feel ready, couldn’t quite believe they were here and certainly wasn’t prepared to say goodbye, she didn’t think she would ever be ready to say goodbye. 

She leaned over the bed and stroked the stray hair off the forehead before gently stroking the cheek. The eyes fluttered open and stared blankly ahead, it was an empty and vacant stare and she longed to see a flicker of recognition in those eyes, those eyes that had once gazed at her filled with love. She continued to stroke the cheek and murmured softly as the eyes slowly closed and sleep took over. It had been a recent bout of aspiration pneumonia that indicated that the swallowing function was deteriorating making eating and drinking difficult. The doctors had taken her to one side and quietly explained that the end could be any time in the next few months. She felt suffused with guilt that she hoped it would be sooner rather than later and she looked away to hide her shame although there was no one else to see in the room. She felt so confused, she could not bear the thought of losing her soul mate and yet she could not be selfish. There was no quality of life anymore and she did not know if there was suffering, the ability to communicate had gone years before.

Tears filled her eyes again and she blinked rapidly as the door opened. A hand on her shoulder and she looked up into Nell’s face. ‘Come on Kathie love,’ Nell coaxed, ‘you need a break, I’ll sit with Nancy while you have a breath of fresh air.’ Kathie started to shake her head, prepared to argue, but then acknowledged the sense of Nell’s words. Nell would keep Nancy safe for her, not leave her on her own and she could do with stretching her legs. Hilda was waiting at the door, ready to hand her a cup of coffee. She smiled her thanks to her friends, leant over to kiss Nancy and whispered, ‘I love you,’ and then she silently left the room.


End file.
